Ron Swanson-isms

Top 15 Ron Swanson-isms

"Never half-ass two things.  Whole ass one thing."

"Fishing relaxes me.  It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something."

"Crying:  Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."

"Any dog under 50 lbs is a cat, and cats are useless."

"Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards."

"Never has their been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food."

"An ideal night out, to me, is stepping onto my porch area and grilling up a thick slab of something's flesh and then popping in a highlight reel from the WNBA."

"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and feed yourself.  He's a grown man.  Fishing's not that hard."

"Dear frozen yogurt: you are the celery of desserts.  Be ice cream or be nothing."

"When I eat it is the food that is scared."

"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am.  I'm not interested about caring about people.  I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name.  Best friend I ever had.  We still never talk sometimes."

"Normally, if given a chance between doing something and nothing, I'd choose to do nothing.  But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing.  I'd work all night if it meant nothing got done."

"I got my first job when I was 9.  Worked at a sheet metal factory.  In two weeks, I was running the floor.  Child labor laws are ruining this company."

"Son, there is no wrong way to consume alcohol."

"I regret nothing.  The end."